dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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