You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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