I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
40s are totally the cure
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
