Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
