Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
