The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
