Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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