I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
