How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
