Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize