dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
