He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
