he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize