dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
