its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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