i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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