i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
