I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
