I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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