I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
