She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
