I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
