Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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