I can tuck mytits in my pants
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
