so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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