That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
