i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
