I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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