They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
