So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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