he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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