Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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