We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
