she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
