Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
