but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
