I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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