Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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