lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
