He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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