Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
