I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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