Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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