how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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