I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
