I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
