Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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