I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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