my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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