friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
