He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
