were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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