nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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