That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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