I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your cock deserves a montage
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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