you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize