I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
