I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wear drunk well.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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