I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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