have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
