We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
