Just fell off a train. Bad.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
