I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My life is pants optional.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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