Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
