and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
