My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
