its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
