it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want to make a zoo with you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
