Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Your dad touched me again.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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