You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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